Are you mad at me? I seem to be hearing this question a lot lately and each time I’m surprised – I haven’t talked to most of these people in several months…why would I be angry with them? What made them think I was mad? Obviously, the not talking to them part is being misconstrued as anger…hmm.
So, again for the record, I’m not mad. A simple case of FATIGUE-INDUCED-ANTI-SOCIAL-TENDENCIES SYNDROME (FIASTS) is the real reason behind my silence.
It’s also apparent that I haven’t written in this blog for a while. More questions:
What’s wrong? Are you tired of writing…have you decided to stop blogging…are you okay? Nothing. No. No. Yes.
I’m fine. There’s nothing terribly wrong. I’m simply suffering from a mild case of NOT-WRITE-NOW DISORDER (NWND) along with my FATIGUE-INDUCED ANTI-SOCIAL-TENDENCIES SYNDROME. It’s perfectly normal given my situation. Or, is it? Maybe I should be worried about these new developments…of course, I should be really, shouldn’t I?
Maybe I need to call the local medical board and mention these new diseases to them. After all, I am noticing that more and more people around me are showing symptoms of FIASTS and NWND.
The symptoms seem to start in your early 40’s and are related to high-stress jobs in the automotive industry. They include lack-of-sleep due to 70-hour work weeks, irritability following hours and hours of repetitive training tasks, and the inability to cope with hundreds of incomprehensible, irrational responses from salespeople, convenience store clerks, and telemarketing companies in the same week.
(I mean, c’mon, sales professionals, I really must have the customer’s last name and social security number to run a credit check…and to the telemarketers, can you quit calling my work number to offer me dish network specials …and local convenience store owners, why exactly can’t you keep my brand of cigarettes in stock – why are we always waiting on the truck??? Does the truck actually even stop at this store?)
Woe Is Me
Maybe I’ve discovered the newest major epidemic and should call the CDC. They might be able to quarantine me and those I’ve been in contact with since developing FIASTS and NWND.
Quarantine would have to help ease the symptoms. After all, I couldn’t begin to tap my foot impatiently as I ring-up my self-serve groceries in a line that should be faster, but isn’t, because for some reason I always seem to need an attendant to push a button before I can continue! And quarantine would certainly reduce my tendency to blurt out, have you lost your mind, every time my salespeople show up in my office and explain to me that the customer has offered $5000 less for the car they’re looking at than we paid for it!
I might even be able to recover from that nasty little habit I have of actually expecting the drive-thru people to put all my food in the bag the first time if the CDC would just quarantine me until my FIASTS and NWND improves or goes into remission.
I think I’ll stop writing now and make that call…I’m sure the CDC can help me or maybe the medical board…I’ll talk to you all soon and write more on the blog…just as soon as my FIASTS and NWND goes into remission.